A Message to Mamas
Before the birth my daughter, I embarked on a journey to confront my trauma and break the generational cycle. I was afraid of the darkness inside me, worried that it would be passed on to my children. Sitting with my therapist, I poured out my fears and doubts, only to be met with compassion and reassurance. She told me that the evil I feared did not reside within me, and that my sweet baby girl would bring me healing beyond my imagination.
My therapist turned out the be right - I couldn’t have fathomed loving another human so fully. So unconditionally. So purely. I dedicated my life to my daughter, and then my son when he came two and a half years later. This new chapter healed me in the deepest ways - knowing that I was built of love, and would foster it to both of them in the most conscious and supportive ways possible.
As the years went by, I continued to process my own story, but found myself bogged down with the demands of motherhood - what I saw as “my responsibility.” We had moved across the country and I felt alone, exhausted and depressed. I continued to show up for my kids, but I became a shell of myself. I wasn’t taking care of my own needs, and it became a cycle that continued to feed itself without my knowing. I worked tirelessly to prove I was the best mom I could be. I didn’t ask for help, and I told myself I could do it all on my own. This led to being completely and utterly worn out, and then beating myself up for not being able to do it all, or measuring up to my own list of expectations. I was drowning. I became the antithesis of my worst fears I had expressed to my therapist. I cared for and loved everyone else, but was becoming the self inflicted abuser to myself. This role may have belonged to someone else during my childhood, but I gladly took it on as an adult. It was then that I started healing the voice inside of me that told me I was never enough. That I couldn’t ask for help and that I had to do it all alone.
With many hours of application in my day-to-day life and help from my therapist, I learned to speak my truth, ask for help, and most importantly - tend to my own soul first and foremost. For many years I put my needs last because I thought it was selfish to take care of myself, but what I found was that when my cup was full, it was twenty times easier to show up for my family and fill their cups. Changing my patterns and behavior didn’t happen overnight, but I slowly began to make improvements, and truly break generational chains - because I remember my own worth.
This journey of self discovery led me to launch Radiant Rituals, aimed at helping others reconnect with themselves through daily practices and rituals. As mothers, taking time for ourselves is crucial for our mental and emotional well being. By nurturing our own needs, we set a positive example for our children and break the chains of our generational trauma. And while the “work” is really never done, I find that it’s easier to process and navigate with the tools I have in my bag along the way. I know my morning ritual is the most important part of my day, and the days I skip it are usually the days my patience is lacking. Taking care of yourself as a parent is crucial to the overall health as a family.
If you’re just beginning your parenting journey, or are “in it” and it’s just feeling hard right now - know you aren’t alone, and you don’t have to do mom’ing by yourself. You are deserving of love and support, and it is okay to prioritize your own self care. Take time for yourself to fill your soul and heal your past. It’s okay to take a break, and even more so - have some of your own FUN. You are showing your children that caring for themselves isn’t just something you say, but they are watching you setting the example by doing it for yourself.
The links below are some ways to create space for yourself either in the morning or throughout the day. First and foremost, please reach out to a therapist or someone else to talk to if you need it. Below are just small tools to use, but I can’t stress how helpful and important it is to have someone to help you navigate challenging times. If you need a friend, send me a message - I am here for you!
Meditate
I LOVE all Sarah Blondin meditations, this one and this one are particularly good for my mama mind on hard days.
You could also use Insight Timer - they’ve got tons of things to pick from for moms. There’s a special section right now for mamas - here is one of many.
This 5 minute meditation is also fast and easy.
Woke up late and don’t have time?
Pull a card from this deck or this one. This can give you positive and loving guidance as you begin your day.
Write a list of 5 things you’re grateful for. Just sitting and taking a few deep breaths and drinking your coffee WITHOUT YOUR PHONE goes a long way.
Need a nap but don’t have an hour? Yoga Nidra is a so amazing and a quick reset that will leave you feeling refreshed.
Need a quick reset? Breath of fire is great for this.
Feeling anxious? Get moving. Dance and shake it out to (here’s one of my playlists). Go on a walk.
Can’t make it to the gym? Do this quick 15 min yoga
Want I new ritual to work into your day? We have this great starter set or a trust ritual to begin trusting your inner voice.
Want some reminders throughout the day? Add some lovely mantras or love notes into your daily calendar reminders. Here are some I use:
I am worthy of caring for my own needs
Self care is not selfish
I am enough just as I am. You control the to do list.
You are allowed to ask for help.
Thank you universe for allowing me to see this fear through the eyes of love.
Even in the chaos am capable of holding love as the center.
Can’t fall back asleep after getting up with the kids? Start a book rather than picking up your phone, or this yoga nidra.
